If you have been following me for any length of time, you have probably seen me mention somewhere that I am a gigantic klutz. It is not an uncommon occurance to see me trip, stumble, run into things, or fall. I am pretty much always covered in bruises with no idea as to how they got there because I hardly even notice it anymore when I run into things. Not too long ago I had another tumble and it got me to thinking about some of my more memorable falls. For whatever reason, I thought it would be fun to share some of them with you. I was going to do a Top 5, but then I realized that I have already written about the fall that would probably take my Number 1 spot (I am talking, of course, about my encounter with the lava rocks of Hawaii). Rather than tell that rather long story again, I decided to shorten it to a Top 4 and just link you back to my previous story of shame in case you missed it. On to my Top 4!
#4 – This spot goes to the recent fall that inspired the post. Just last month I had another opportunity to see the amazing musical Wicked. I was so excited for the chance to see it for the third time and did not hesitate to buy tickets for me and the hubs. Even more fun, several of our friends and my mother-in-law bought tickets for the same night as us. We made plans to go out to dinner before the show with my mother-in-law and a friend who was driving into town to go see it with her. We were going to see the musical on a Friday, which meant that I had to go straight from work to meet all of them at the restaurant.
Before I left work I took the time to change clothes and freshen up. I am a firm believer in dressing up for the theater, not to mention that we were going to be eating dinner at a fairly nice restaurant. Allow me to present you with an image of what I looked like so that you can have the best mental image possible.
By the time I arrive at the restaurant the other three are already there and seated. When you walk into this restaurant there is a bar area with some tables along the wall. You walk through this area to get to the main dining area in the back. My party is seated in the frontmost table in the main dining area in the center of the room. In other words, everyone can see our table.
I confidently strut into the place, feeling very good about the way I look ( should have known something would go wrong – damn hubris *fist shake*). I walk up to the table and first go to hug the friend that has driven into town since I haven’t seen him in a while. When I step out from the hug one of my fabulous stiletto heels catches on the carpet. Every time I fall I experience a moment – an infinitesimal moment – where I realize what is about to happen and know that I am powerless to stop it.
Like a felled tree, I crashed backwards to the ground, landing flat on my @$$. I stayed there for a few seconds and did the only thing I could do – laugh.
After I hastily assure the wait staff – who had all rushed over – that I am perfectly okay, I look around. Sure enough, every single eye at every single table is staring at me. Back at my own table the poor friend that I had just hugged is staring with eyes wide and mouth gaping, horrified at what has just happened, whereas my mother-in-law peeks over her menu to see what the noise was and, when she realizes it was just me falling, she shrugs and goes back to her perusal, and my husband is shaking his head and sniggering. Clearly they have seen me fall too often. With as much grace and dignity as I could muster, I stood to my feet and slipped into my chair. I was done with the hugs.
#3 – Two and a half years ago my best friend married her soul mate and asked me to stand beside her as her matron of honor. As you know, part of this duty involves throwing the bride a shower and a bachelorette party. My friend didn’t want anything crazy for her bachelorette party – all she wanted was for us and one of our other really close friends to go out dancing. The night of the outing the three of us piled into a car and headed out to the beaches where most of the dance clubs are located. Like a good girl, I knew I had to drive home afterwards, so I refrained from drinking. I didn’t need alcohol to have fun with these girls anyway. The three of us had a great time hanging out and dancing for several hours before deciding to head back to the car. Once again, here is picture to aid in your mental image, although you can’t see the amazing gladiator platform wadges I am wearing.
The three of us begin to make our way to where we parked the car, still having a grand time talking and laughing. The path we need to take leads us on a sidewalk right in front of a popular club that has a line of people waiting outside to get in. Right as we pass this line of people I hit one of those sections of sidewalk where one block of concrete is slightly raised above the one adjacent to it. Naturally, my shoe hit this quarter of an inch stumbling block and – SPLAT – down I go. I fell so hard and fast that I barely had time to catch myself with my hands before my chest and face reached the pavement. The position that I landed in kind of made it look like I had decided to do some push-ups – you know, the girl kind.
I quickly pop up to my feet just as I hear the laughter starting from the group of people queued out beside me. I was pleased to see that I somehow avoided ripping a hole in my leggings and was just taking my first step when someone from the line yelled out, “Way to go drunky!”
I knew there was no point in explaining that I was not, in fact, drunk and they probably wouldn’t believe me anyway, so, without even turning to look, I lifted my hand to wave and kept walking.
Be sure to tune in next week for numbers 1 & 2 in my list of Top 4 Displays of Klutziness.
Do you have any embarrassing or funny stories about times you have fallen? Or are you one of those people who actually knows how to walk? Let me know in the comments.