GUEST POST: Coty Chanley – The 5 Hottest Beefcakes in Star Trek

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I am supposed to be starting a new series today, but thanks to a lovely weekend of being bedridden with strep throat I haven’t even figured out what my next series is going to be about. Thankfully, I have a wonderful friend who volunteered to write something up for me when he heard that I did not have anything prepared. I must admit, I was a little nervous about turning my blog over to the very colorful Coty, but he managed to keep things at a PG-13 level for me, which if you have ever listened to Glee Chat or Smash Chat, you know is quite the feat of self-control for him. I hope you enjoy his post, it certainly had me laughing!

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I feel like I need to justify this post by informing everyone that there are two things I have weird tastes in: dessert, and men. Jessica can attest to both. [Jess here: It’s true. We rarely ever agree on these two things, especially dessert.]

Now, I am not your typical Trekkie. That said, I love Star Trek. My favorite series is Voyager (I know, I know, I just love a strong woman), but I fell in love with The Next Generation. As much as I love Trek though, I also love men.

You see, my love of Trek and my love of men has often collided. Star Trek series have wonderful actors, but sometimes they don’t hire the hottest of hotties to play the male roles. You know why? Because Star Trek’s main demographic is straight men who have never seen a woman naked and still dream of owning their own Orion Slave Girl. Instead, Star Trek goes for hot ladies.

That being said, there are some attractive men on Star Trek, at least, I think they are. Now, we all know Kirk and Picard are hotties, but I think the real beefcakes are hidden in the secondary characters. The glistening abs of Kirk can only get you so far, my friends. So, in times of boredom (or, when the internet is out if you know what I mean), I get out my collection of Star Trek DVDs and go for the hotties.

In no particular order, I present to you:

The 5 Beefcakes of Star Trek

#5 – Sulu (played by George Takei

While George Takei is almost as well-known as William Shatner, let us assume for a moment that George Takei had his moment of fame and drifted into the background. This glistening man stunned us all with his fencing skills in TOS (for you non-trekkies that means The Original Series). Now, not only was Mr. Takei good looking then, he’s aged very well. And he’s hilarious. If you aren’t a fan of him on Facebook, well, oh my.

#4 – Trip (as played by Connor Trineer)

Look, I’ve never really watched Enterprise (because it sucks), but I think we can agree that Connor Trineer is a babe. Like, look at that hair. And those eyes. And mmmmmmmhhhhmmmmmm. You know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout, right ladies? He gets my britches all WARP SPEED. I don’t really know a lot about his accomplishments other than the fact he got me to watch that stupid show for 5 minutes, which is a miracle in and of itself.

#3 – Data (as played by Brent Spiner)

So, I know we’re not quite ready for Man/Robot relationships yet, but Commander Data was fully functional. And I know he was all into Tasha Yarr and stuff, but I’m not afraid to put on a wig and parade around like a lady if it gets me a night with Data. He has all the qualities I like in a man: tall, pasty, strong, unaware of social norms, and selfless. I mean…that scene…in Nemesis…I cried. I cried a lot.

#2 – Dr. Bashir (as played by Alexander Siddig)

I watched a lot of DS9 (Deep Space 9) one summer when I didn’t do anything. I never got the arcs, but since I have Netflix, I plan to watch all of DS9 during the summer. One of my favorite things about Dr. Bashir was that he wasn’t afraid to use the holodeck for what normal people would use it for: hot sex with celebrities who are way out of your league. (I’M LOOKIN’ AT YOU, BRAD PITT)

–Actually, side note, I’m way out of Brad Pitt’s league. Have you seen that man recently? What happened to Fight Club Brad Pitt? Oh yeah, HE GOT MARRIED. Just one more reason I don’t believe in women.—

#1 The Doctor (as played by Robert Picardo)

I am a little biased on this one. Let me first tell you why I think The Doctor is cool. First, he doesn’t even need a name. Second, he has the biting sarcasm I love in a man. Third, he’s a hologram. You know what I’d do if I were a hologram? Make myself invisible and spy on all the hot Ensigns. You know what he did? HE SAVED LIVES. Now, for my bias, I actually got to meet Robert Picardo at a signing in St. Louis a few months ago. I got his autograph and he said “Have a nice day,” and I said “Mtmrmemamathanksyou” because I’m socially awkward AND HE WAS ON STAR TREK.

So there you have it, the beefcakes of Star Trek. Do you have any Star Trek hotties you fancy?

18 responses »

  1. OH, MY GOD, Coty, I love you so much. This was amazing. Jess, please make Coty do more guest posts. Please, please, please!

    (P.S. I totally second the Brad Pitt thing. Ugh.)

  2. OK, you just explained to me the reason I’ve never been in to Star Trek. No hot men! That is kind of my rule with TV. If it doesn’t have any hot guys (which I don’t understand) then it better be a damn great story. And sci-fi is not my thing. Me, I’m into cop shows. Which, happen to have a lot of hotties. It works out great for me. That was a fun post, and super funny! Now I want to know what your taste in desserts is like. For me, if it doesn’t have chocolate, it doesn’t count as dessert.

    • Do you see why I enjoy doing those podcasts so much? All Coty and I do is laugh. Brace yourself Emma, Coty does not like chocolate. I know! Have you recovered? I will never understand this. I yell at him about how wrong he is all the time.

  3. Love this post :) I know Lisa Wilson has a bit of a thing for Will Riker.

    Personality-wise, though, the Doctor is actually very much my type (and a lot like my husband actually). That’s a bit of a disturbing realization to be honest… ;)

  4. I’m sorry, but someone major is missing from this list. :( Where is Chakotay? He’s my hottie. Love the post all the same. I can agree with #4. I think you should have included the latest Star Ship Enterprise and included Archer. :) Poor Brent has sort of let himself go these days. (Puffing lower lip out)

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