I don’t know about you, but for me it goes against my natural instincts to be selfish. The thought of someone having to do something that they don’t want to do in order for me to do something that I want to do is uncomfortable. It’s not hard to figure out where I got this from, my mom and sister are the same way. You should hear the three of us when we try to figure out a place to go eat.
Mom: Where do you want to eat?
Me: Wherever.
Sister: What are you in the mood for?
Mom: What about this?
Me and Sister: That’s fine.
Mom: You don’t want that do you? Let’s go somewhere else.
Me and Sister: No really, that’s fine.
Mom: No, you don’t want it. Let’s pick somewhere else.
And on and on it goes. Most of the time this instinct isn’t that big of a deal. Things like where to eat or what movie to see or what activity to do aren’t exactly decisions that will cause us harm if we don’t get what we want. But sometimes that’s not the case. Sometimes putting the wants and needs of others before our own can cause us harm. That’s a problem.
As with all things in life, there has to be a balance between selfish and selfless. If being selfless leads to our physical, mental, or emotional detriment, it is time to reevaluate our decisions and actions. This can be a really hard thing to do, especially when it involves someone we love. This is a lesson that I recently had to learn and it was the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. But I made it through. I learned that sometimes it really is okay to be selfish.
What do you think? Do you agree with me? Is this a lesson that you have had to learn as well? Let me know in the comments.
Great blog….I totally agree…I have been saying this for years how it’s okay and almost required for your own well being to be selfish….one example I like to use is if you keep giving money or food to every homeless person you see, or every cardboard sign holder on the side of the road, you won’t have any money or food left for yourself…then what do you do? And your example of picking where to eat is just like my parents and I…we are all so laid back and nonchalant about where to eat we just keep going to circles until finally one of us has to step up and just pick somewhere….but I think selfishness is the foundation of who we are and what we become or don’t become…meaning we have to love, respect, and take care of ourselves first before we can take care of someone else..
I completely agree that we need to be selfish every once and awhile. The important thing is to recognize those moments and assert yourself. It’s an area I have struggled with…but I keep at it. When asked if I want to do something or help someone with something, I now reflect a little bit first to see if it’s really something I want to do before just jumping in with a ‘yes’.
I couldn’t agree with you more. This is a problem that I’ve had to address in my own life as well. I love you!!
I’ll echo the others. Yes, some amount of selfishness is vital. Even volunteer work has a selfish element–we give and help partly to feel better.
I have to agree with what everyone else said. I’m terrible for not taking enough time to sleep and relax because I so want to help everyone who needs it. But we’re no good to anyone if we’re too tired and drained emotionally or physically. Take care of you
a lesson always being learned
I think it’s the wording that gets us messed up. Somewhere it was decided that selfish is bad and selfless is good, and actually neither of those are true. The important thing is to put yourself first in your own life. You can’t be any good to anyone if you are not taking care of yourself. And how could you be true to yourself if you are putting other people ahead of you. It’s good for everyone if you take care of you, number one. It took a long time for me to learn this, but life has been so much better since I have. I’m a better person to others because of it.